Productivity and stewardship are great – necessary even. Just ask my son (from a safe distance) as he battles to recover from neglecting them for a couple of years. Being responsible hurts when you are young. You have to step away from a fair amount of easy fun in order to steward a better future. However, running from that pain makes things much worse sooner or later. At the other end of the spectrum, I am learning that busyness and work can also serve as “protective” idols. They distract from the clarifying and sometimes painful process of dialoguing with God. It takes great courage to slow down, accept my flaws, and listen in stillness.
What I hear highlights my profound dependence on God. It is frightening, and it hurts. It also issues a strong invitation to peace. Conscious dependency opens the door for faith. With faith I can hear the Spirit proclaiming God’s brilliant strength intertwined with my critical weakness even over the cacophony of my swirling inner chaos.
This is the moment.
This is the unassailable heart of peace at the center of my Christian struggle.
No one can see into me, nothing can challenge me, and never can I feel love more deeply.
Spending time naked in my insufficiency before God defines my identity in Christ and prepares me to be the blessing God intends for others.
It does not drain the sting from suffering. It certainly does not rob my actions of their meaning. It invites me to embrace discomfort as an opportunity to get into the game. Reaching the end of my abilities, venturing into the rapid waters outside my comfort zone drives me into the arms the Spirit. There, only there, can me find meaningful peace and joy in the middle of the rushing stream.
I can’t possibly tell you when this line of thought will makes sense to my son. The consensus from many brilliant people I consulted is that Eli needs to find his own path and suffer his own setbacks in order to develop a thirst for this kind of deeper truth. I will love and respect unconditionally, enforce reasonable boundaries, model those truths, and trust God to make Eli ready.
I am ready now. I will embrace the immediate implications of our salvation and the power of my broken, joyful, dependence, on God. I look forward to living in peace and joy right here and now in anticipation of the astounding victory parade to come.